I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have fence marks all over my body
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
