i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
