don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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