Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
