Umm I'm too high to move.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
