My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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