um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
