You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
