apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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