lets start a swedish sibling band together
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
