I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My hand turned me down
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
