I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
