Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
