ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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