Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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