I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
