i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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