dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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