its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
