At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize