i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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