ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
as a side note pls kill me
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