I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
