I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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