I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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