my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
