When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
