the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
