It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
its liver damage thursday
There's even glitter on my cock...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
