Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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