Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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