Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
