After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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