I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
