i think my tv is drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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