trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
