She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
