dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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