you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
