Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
