i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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