She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
barbara walters just said penis...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
