so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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