I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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