At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
