no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
