Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is my gift to your gina
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
