Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize