was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
