Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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