he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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