A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
