WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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