Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
