I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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