she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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