You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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