Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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