belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
