The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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