i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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