the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
