I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
