i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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