May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
