i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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