I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
