Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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