I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
